>It has been so long since i have posted…im such a bad blogger 
A short and sweet update is in order…
Thanksgiving was great. Ate too much, of course.
Saturday after thanksgiving was adam’s 40th birthday….and for his birthday we went to Cancun 
It was a glorious week long vacation filled with guacamole and pina coladas I probably gained 10 pounds…which i know is mostly fluff from eating and drinking crap and its slowly going away. I did make it to the gym 3 days out of the 7 but it probably didn’t matter due to all the food….all inclusives are good and bad…good that you dont have to worry about having all the extra money to spend on food and drinks but bad because some of the choices you make you wouldn’t necessarily make if you were paying for it. We had a wonderful week and had only one day of bad weather (which wasn’t really bad…just cloudy and windy).
We spent the week there and on Sunday i had dinner for him and my family came over to help celebrate
So now its back to reality and back to the gym and packing my food. I feel better now that im back on track
But with the holidays coming im going to have to really keep an eye on my food intake.
It felt really good to get into the gym yesterday. I did legs. today i did shoulders.
Now here is my issue for today. I always seem to compare myself to others…case in point….there is this girl at my gym..i see her every so often. She is very lean and i know she works hard..but before seeing her i was feeling good doing my shoulder workout….then standing next to her and seeing how nice her arms are and her legs, etc…i wanted to kill myself (not literally of course) but i get so mad at myself….why cant i look like that? I work hard, i eat fairly well (well not this past week) but you know what i mean. I think sometimes that i will never look like that…i hate thinking like that, but i feel like i will never look the way i want to.
I have had this blog for how long now? 3 years? and i still have the same issues…yes i got down to 102 pounds, and yes i competed twice…but i am still a mess…and why? because instead of continuing to build on the foundation that i had, i ate.
I dont want to go on this woe is me bullcrap but i need to just basically shit or get off the pot…as the saying goes.
I need to realize that i cant have it both ways…i cant eat what i want and then expect to look good. Why is it so hard for me to comprehend ? I still want to eat things i shouldn’t and still want to have a lean physique.,.it doesn’t work that way…i know that…..yet i still do wrong?? Its such a viscious horrible circle that i have been dealing with for years and years. I dont know what i think im missing…i know what chocolate cake tastes like, i know what chocolate tastes like….and its all mind over matter….i know all this….
i need to stop talking now…..cause im just rambling
